Loving Your Child is not Enough: Positive Discipline That Works Nancy Samalin with Martha Moraghan Jablow (1987)
I borrowed an older edition of this book from my local LLL library (sincere apologies if you were looking for it while I had it longer than expected). I don't tend to read a lot of books as time is limited between work, 4 kids and my facebook addiction. I enjoy reading but I'm selective about what I read. I'm careful to form my own perspective on things as I'm well aware that some books are utter tripe and could have me looking at things from an unhelpful perspective. For example if I read Gina Ford books I'd surely be thinking I'm lacking routine and structure and a terrible mother. I might find myself trying to improve that and it's something that hasn't been a problem for us. We are baby led and I think that's best for my children, my own sanity and possibly coz it's just easier.
I'm not crazy about the name of the book to be honest. Loving your children is huge and I think it sounds a little bit dismissive of that. My discipline comes from a place of love. I love spending time with them and discipline in our house is about harmony and not control. From the cover it sounded/looked a little like this book might be more about control....but actually it's not and a quick flick through gave a different impression and I deemed it worth a read.
I like to borrow books from my LLL library as they often sit well with my own thoughts on things -not all books of course but a lot of them. And they are most certainly BFing friendly. I was drawn to this book as I had a eureka moment in terms of Gentle Discipline (another FB group link for you) in recent months and I'm still trying to get my head around it. I realised that gentle discipline is a lot more than not slapping or shouting and that other threats or punishments are simply not effective. An entirely different approach to "discipline" is needed. I am well aware that some families are more child led than we are and tend to go with the child's wants and needs even more than we do...but to me it's very important that my own needs are met too and that the children respect my needs as much as we respect theirs. I like to think of the 6 of us as equals -with the hens and fish after that.
This "entirely different approach" is the tricky part. I was raised with the odd slap but more often than not it was just the threat of a slap (that I believed might happen, as it did sometimes). That fear is something we want to avoid here but we still want ur children to be safe and behave well. But how do you motivate acceptable behaviour without that fear and also where do you draw the line between acceptable and "oh well". "Oh well, he's climbing on the couch" is grand until he falls and then we need to say or do something to keep him off the couch. "Oh well he's climbing on me", is fine until he hurts me or I'm trying to eat my dinner and then he really needs to get off me. I don't want to control their every move or have them "do as they are told", but I want to be able to live with them in peace too. I want them to help out a bit with chores and be nice to each other. I want them to grow up to be happy, considerate people and to have some self discipline and work ethic -right now I'd like them to practice and enjoy music, get to after school activities and I want the homework done. I'm aiming for Authoritative and not Authoritarian or Permissive Parenting.
So, I thought this book might have some ideas. I was hoping I'd find we already do quite a lot of "things" to help achieve household harmony - knowing I naturally got some things right always makes me feel good and it lets me know the book is in line with my instincts. I was hoping for some new ideas to improve on things too. Most importantly I was hoping there would be a clear enough explanation that I could pass on the messages and techniques to my other half who will most certainly not read this book. He'll may take some convincing. A you tube would be ideal but I can work on getting him onboard if my own mind is clear on how it should work. I can set a better example too. I can have a horrible temper and I'm far from perfect in many ways.
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